


if i didn't know better

by darcysxx



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Basically Just Smut, F/M, Underage Drinking, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:24:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5580133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darcysxx/pseuds/darcysxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rick is empty and hollow and tired. Beth is better at hiding it. And sometimes, just sometimes, the world owes you something and deliverance is spectacular.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i didn't know better

Sometimes when Beth is preoccupied; when she's playing with Judy or washing the dishes after dinner while singing to herself, she gets these flashes of memories. 

A golden sunset behind a laughing Maggie. Daddy and Mama playing the piano together, with private smiles on their faces. Even the face of that nameless girl who smiled at her in ninth grade, giving her the confidence to talk to that nameless boy she had a crush on. 

These flashes of a prior life, a disconnected life, kind of floor her. 

Her hold on Judith loosens slightly. 

Her voice breaks on a high note. 

She hates the way these memories make her falter in this world. That life was lived, it's not a life worth living now.

* * *

"I want the fence cleared by tonight, I don’t like the way it's bending." Rick tells Glenn, simultaneously slinging his gun belt around his hips and holstering his pistol. 

Glenn nods, "I'll get on it, Rick." He pauses, eyeing the old deputy cautiously. He had begun noticing signs of Rick's increasing age recently; crow's feet appeared around his blue eyes, wrinkles were now etched into his tan skin. Glenn felt like he didn’t want to bother this tired man with his requests. 

"What?" Rick asks with a sigh, ever the perceptible leader. 

"Uh.... Maggie's meant to be on watch tonight but it’s actually our anniversary and I was wondering if....." Glenn loses his nerve at the last moment. 

Rick rubs a calloused hand over his face, "It's alright, I'll take watch tonight....which tower?" 

The Asian man has a visible cringe on his face, he really does hate troubling people. Rick was the only option however, the group's dwindling numbers meant everybody had some sort of job to do at all times. 

Their leader is slightly exempt from this rule, with the death of.... - Glenn struggled to say her name even in his mind - his wife, and Rick's desire to step down from the position of leader, the group silently delegate him less work and leave him to his farming. 

Glenn sighs, "C, thanks Rick I really really appreciate-" 

"Come on Glenn we need this fence cleared." Rick interrupts, business as usual. 

Glenn nods, grateful to focus on the task at hand. 

He leaves the deputy's cell thinking of the night he would get to spend with his beautiful wife.

* * *

Rick sits in Tower C quietly, his eyes so focused on the prison's surrounding forest that the blackness starts swirling and shifting. 

He once again becomes lost in thought, thinking of future preparations for the prison, thinking about Carl and Judy, where they were at that moment, even thinking of the brown haired ghost he's stopped seeing among the living. 

He once again feels that physical ache deep in his chest when he thinks of her. 

The officer is concentrating so hard on trying to distract himself from his racing mind that he doesn't hear light footsteps climbing up the tower steps nor does he hear the calls of 'Maggie!' until the voice is close enough to startle him, propelling him forward toward the door. 

Rick arrives at the metal threshold quickly and with his hand on his holstered gun he sees the harmless Beth Greene approaching the entrance of the tower. 

Had he not been rushing towards the perceived intruder Rick likely would have remembered the annoying five inch metal sheet you had to step over to walk in or out of the guard tower, he does not however and ever so gracefully stumbles over it, catapulting himself into the poor farmer's daughter. 

Upon seeing the deputy flying toward her instead of Maggie sitting calmly in the watch tower Beth promptly lets out a startled cry, Rick barrels into the slim girl and an almost comical situation morphs into a life threatening one. 

Rick's momentum slams Beth into the guard tower railing and her back arches painfully. Beth feels herself losing a battle with gravity and her self-preservation instincts have her clutching at Rick's shirt. 

Meanwhile Rick tries to take control of the rapidly deteriorating situation by grabbing the railing with his right hand and grasping Beth's small waist with his left arm. The two were bent at such an angle that if Rick looked over Beth's shoulder he could see the grass they would land on if they fell, not only would both of them likely break their legs or necks, they would also land outside of the prison gates. Walkers would quickly devour them if they falter here. 

Rick tries to still himself and lock all of his muscles in place so they won't topple any further over the railing. Beth is repeatedly letting out small frightened cries and shaky breaths, and as she literally holds onto Rick for dear life the metal bar digs into her lower back painfully. 

Now feeling slightly stable Rick ever so slowly pulls the two of them upright and back into the watch tower, stepping over the metal this time. 

Although Beth knew she was safe now she has trouble letting go of Rick's shirt and his arm remains around her small back. 

Rick can feel Beth's fast breaths warming the base of his neck as her shaking form still clings to his. 

The officer slowly removes his arm from her middle and puts his hand on the side of her neck, lifting her chin up with his thumb in an attempt to get a better look at her face. 

Beth's eyes are uncharacteristically wide and her mouth hangs ajar, Rick can't help but let out a small breath of a laugh. 

Soon enough the two survivors are separate and clutching their stomachs in shaky laughter. 

"Christ Rick..." Beth breathily scolds, "If you don't kill me by dropping me off that railing you'll kill me with a heart attack, that's for sure." 

Rick's smile still hasn't faded from his face, he knows the situation could've been fatal for both of them but seeing as it wasn't he decides to laugh about it. The alternative is accepting that Rick Grimes and Beth Greene were almost killed by a stupid accident, a death not worthy of the years of suffering. A death that didn't mean anything. 

He stands up straighter placing his hands loosely on his hips, the picture of a gun-slinging, Southern cowboy, "I am so sorry Miss Greene," Rick drawls, "How can I make it up to you?" 

It's Beth's turn to smile now, and he notices the genuine crinkle of her eyes, something the world still hasn't taken away from her. He wishes he could say the same. 

"Well Officer Grimes you could start by telling me where my troublesome sister is now, perhaps?" Beth questions, her sweet voice the imitation of a Southern belle. 

Rick tips his imaginary hat, the real one now residing with his son, "Of course my lady, your fair sister is currently with her sweet husband." 

Beth curtsies, "Why thank you officer, may we share a drink for our troubles?" 

Rick knows Beth is eighteen and Hershel wouldn't approve of this, but he also knows that they could have died earlier and there's a half empty bottle of Jack lying somewhere in this watch tower, just in case whoever's on watch is having a particularly rough day. 

"Of course Miss." Rick laughs and the two smile at each other for a few more moments, soaking up the normalcy of joking around. 

That is until an especially loud bout of growls from the group of walkers below shakes them from this lighthearted moment. 

It is jarring for the both of them, reminding them once again that they shouldn't forget the world they live in, not even for a moment. 

Beth clears her throat, "I'll take that drink now please Rick." 

Rick nods and uses his hand-held torch to search the dark room, he quickly locates the bottle of brown liquor and returns to the blonde farmer's daughter, who has seated herself on one of the rusty office chairs. 

The deputy wheels the nearest one next to her and sits down taking a hearty swig of whiskey before passing it to Beth. 

The liquid warms his throat as it travels down before settling at the pit of his stomach, he's beginning to see how this night could get away from him but also can't bring himself to care. 

Beth takes a bigger swig than Rick expected and he realises that she's probably done this before, maybe with Daryl or even Carl. Not that he could really blame them, coping is coping whatever the method is. 

Beth clears her throat again and Rick notices the muscles of her slender throat bobbing up and down as she swallows afterward, "Thanks for not dropping me Sheriff." She says flatly, taking another swig from the bottle before passing it back to him. 

Rick makes a sound from the back of his throat in acknowledgement and they sit in silence for a little while, passing the bottle back and forth between them.

When the bottle is almost empty and Rick is feeling a buzz starting to creep through his body Beth quickly stands, almost knocking the chair over.

Rick looks up at her and blinks slowly, waiting for an explanation but all she does is walk a few steps and turn back around, her movements sharp and jerky. 

She seems agitated and also moderately drunk, never a very good combination. 

“Beth.” Rick calls, trying to get the young girl’s attention to no avail. Her actions just seem to become more angry and pronounced.

“Beth!” He says more sharply, wanting to stand up but knowing he’ll be unsteady on his feet. It got her attention however, she turns around slowly a deep scowl on her face and her fists balled up against her sides.

She just waits for him to say something while he sits below her, legs sprawled out and his extremities starting to feel a bit fuzzy.

“What are you doing?” He finally asks, lamely if he’s being honest. 

The blonde scoffs and sways slightly, opening her mouth to say something and then closing it again. 

Rick can’t pull his gaze away from her eyes, looking piercing and positively on fire. He’s never seen her this angry before.

It’s captivating.

He pats his thigh, feeling the denim hazily, “Just say it already.”

Her eyes narrow slightly before and tirade of words come bursting out of her pink lips like she isn’t quite ready for them herself, “I just – I just fucking _hate_ this life, I can’t fucking deal with it. This isn’t living , it’s – its _suffering_. It’s evil! What the fuck did any of us do to deserve this. I – I’m so scared and sad and I’m not a person anymore. I’m just – fuck – I’m just a collection of fucking shattered pieces of glass and I cut myself and anyone that tries to handle any fucking move I make. Rick please, I can’t do this, I need to do something fucking crazy. I need to _live_!” 

The silence following her tsunami of spoken feelings is electric, Rick can feel the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and can see the warm air being expelled from Beth’s mouth as she breathes harshly. 

Before he really knows what he’s doing the deputy is leaping out of his chair and striding towards the young girl. Through the slight haze in his brain he knows his momentum will knock over the tiny girl so he puts one hand on the back of her head and one hand reaches out for the wall.

Once she has scrambled to step backwards a few times he backs her against the wall quickly, his right hand acting as a barrier so she doesn’t hit her pretty little head. 

Beth’s too shocked to move apart from the one hand she’s got on his hip bunching the material of his shirt to anchor herself to the ground and to this bizarre moment her brain is trying to comprehend.

Rick’s breath is coming out harshly now as his large body covers her small one, his eyes search her face for any sign that this is not what she wants but all he finds is astonishment. 

The tension is almost palpable between them as they both stay completely still, waiting for someone to make the first move. 

Beth can smell the alcohol on Rick’s breath as his mouth is inches from hers, and the sight him searching her face with now coal black eyes and the roughness in which he is holding her makes her throat run dry. 

When she swallows Rick’s eyes are drawn to her throat and in one move he’s pushed her fully against the wall and used the hand on her head to yank her ponytail, forcing her head upwards. 

Beth’s mouth falls open at the action, something so _primal_ about it has a flush rising to her cheeks. 

Rick slowly tilts his head down, closer to her and ever so softly licks into her open mouth. 

The movement sends a bolt of warmth straight to her core and she almost cries from relief. 

She had no idea, but now, now she knows; this is what she needed. 

Beth frantically winds her arms around the man’s neck as his hands squeeze at her waist and kisses him like she’s been wandering through the desert for days and he’s the only source of water. 

His tongue slides hotly against hers and she makes a contented sound from somewhere deep within her throat, his hold tightens and all she can feel is his hard body and the cool slab of concrete against her back.

She can feel a moan building at the back of her throat as Rick roughly pushes her aviator jacket off of her shoulders and slides his hand down the centre of her body stopping to splay it across the width of her stomach. 

Beth pulls on Rick’s lower lip with her canines and bites down hard enough for him to push his hips further into hers with a low grunt. 

She feels something building just below her stomach, it feels hot like lava and she knows when it comes it’s going to shake her at her core. The anticipation almost chokes her.

Beth turns her attention to Rick’s jaw and the spot just below his ear that if she sucks it just right his hands spasm around her and he lets out a shaky sigh.

While doing this Beth begins to pull his massive jacket off his arms and Rick quickly finishes the job himself, once the jacket lands on the floor with a thud he slides with hands down her body, clutching periodically before he reaches her knees. He lifts her thin legs up and around his waist easily and with a jerky move forward their centres are aligned. 

Beth can feel the hard, hot steel of his dick pushing into her just right and the throaty moan that’s been building throughout this dance is released into the cool night air.

Rick lets out a low sound of his own, quickly setting a rhythm that rubs her just right while he simultaneously turns his attention back to her mouth, sucking hotly on her tongue.

Their kisses are dirty and desperate and Beth can’t help the stream of quiet but thick moans that come out every time his hardness presses against the throbbing bundle of nerves at her core. 

Beth’s arm snakes back around to Rick’s front, pulling the hem of his shirt from between her legs and his torso. Once its loose Rick removes his hands from her waist and underside of her left breast so he can lift it over his head.

Beth rakes her nails down his toned abdomen, urging him to release an erotically guttural sound. His hand returns to her body, this time wrapping around her throat. 

When Rick squeezes slightly the feeling shoots straight down to her cunt and she knows she’s beyond wet by now, her underwear must be soaked. 

“Rick.” She breathes out, eyes beginning to roll back into her head from the feeling of his rough, masculine hand on her delicate throat and the delicious friction of his cock still moving against her wetness.

He licks into her mouth again, “What baby?”

His voice is low, lower than she’s ever heard it, and husky too. The sound simply adds to the sensations beginning to overwhelm her.

Hazily she remembers that she was drunk, but now she can’t separate the buzz of the whiskey from the buzz of her body, strung out with pleasure. Plus drinking that bottle of Jack feels like a lifetime ago.

Her hands are still roaming Rick’s body, one hand slipping down between them to palm his dick roughly and she sucks behind his ear again, “Floor. Now.”

“Fuck me…” Rick groans, body shuddering for a moment. He pulls her hand from their middles and grabs her waist, roughly dragging her sex against his hardness once, twice, three times before slowly setting her shaky legs back on the ground. 

She peels her nondescript winter top off revealing a similarly nondescript bra, Rick doesn’t seem to mind as he palms her right breast roughly. He undoes the clip with his other hand. 

Beth’s nimble fingers make quick work of the button on his jeans and soon they’re down to his knees, her hands sliding against his cock through his briefs.

Rick lowers his head to her breasts, alternating between each hardened nub. 

Beth’s eyes close of their own accord. She can’t help but lose herself in the unbelievable sensations.

She toes off her shoes and socks then shimmies out of her jeans until she’s left standing in nothing but her threadbare underwear. The juices from her cunt are slipping slowly onto her thighs. 

Beth doesn’t think she’s been this wet in her entire life.

Rick rids the rest of his clothes as well and returns his hand to her throat, tipping her chin up with his thumb to kiss her deeply. His other hand slowly travels down her body until it reaches her sex.

She holds her breath as his three of his fingers pull her panties to the side and he quickly runs his thumb along her slit. 

She releases her breath as a moan.

“ _Fuck_ Rick,” She cries, that feeling in her gut is beginning to build again and her body feels hot all over, “I knew you’d be like this.”

She doesn’t quite know where that comment comes from but his reaction is everything she needed. 

Rick jerks backwards, rakes his eyes up and down her body, fingers wet, and it’s like something snaps inside of him. Beth thinks this might be what he needed too. 

He grabs her roughly by the throat again and drags her backwards towards the middle of the room, Beth moans as her inner thighs rub against each other slickly. Yes! She cries in her head. Yes! Yes! Yes! God yes! 

She thinks she might die if Rick leaves her high and dry now. 

Rick slumps down into one of the office chairs, legs wide and cock hard, the picture of masculine grace. 

He pulls his briefs off and Beth does the same with her panties. He yanks her body forward with a strong hand and sharply thrusts a finger into her wetness.

Beth cries out.

He pulls the finger out, giving it a long lick for theatrics and shoves it back in, “You still want this, little girl?”

Beth nods frantically leaning forward to rest her hands on his shoulders as her legs became increasingly shakier.

“Can’t hear you.” Rick’s voice is as rough as gravel as he presses the flat of his thumb down on Beth’s clit.

The blonde shakes as unfiltered pleasure zips through her body, “Yes Rick! Fuck me please!” 

She’s an utter mess right now, hair falling out of her braid and lips swollen from the rough kissing. Rick hardens even more at the sight. 

He suddenly turns her around, grabbing the fleshy parts of her hips with his calloused hands and sitting her on his cock. 

He positions her so the length of his hardness is touching every part of her slit and begins to drag her lithe body back and forth. 

Beth slaps a hand over her mouth to prevent her moans from echoing out into the night, lest anyone comes up to investigate the noise. She can’t stop the steady stream of muffled sounds of pleasure however and Rick answers them with his own grunts. 

His body is on fire and he knows he won’t last much longer after this. It’s been too long since he’s been with a woman and Beth has him insurmountably worked up.

“Want me to fuck you hard?” He asks, the question accompanied by his hand once again finding her throat. 

Beth nods again, crying out indecipherable words, pleasure flooding all of her senses.

He pulls her back against his body, arching her back so he can look down the front of her torso. He sees her tits bouncing with hardened nipples and her glistening pussy rubbing against his cock. Rick grabs the hand she had slapped over her mouth, using his hand to guide her fingers over her clit, rubbing roughly. 

“Sorry I can’t hear you.” He whispers in her ear, his voice is low and raspy and the sound almost pushes Beth over the edge.

Beth uses her other hand to rub against her stiff nipple, “Fucking hell Rick,” she almost sobs, “please fuck me.”

Rick grunts again and pulls her even harder back and forth across the length of his dick, forcing her other hand to rub furious circles around the throbbing bundle of nerves. For a moment the room is just full on their mixed noises until Rick leans in to bite the corded muscle of Beth’s neck and she sees stars.

He keeps moving her while she rides out her orgasm and eventually stops when she becomes over-sensitive. 

Beth lazily turns her head and kisses the deputy deeply, letting her tired body say all the things she would be able to say as eloquently out loud. 

She quickly realises he still hasn’t come as he runs his large hands up and down her tight body, she can still feel the hardness between her thighs. 

She stands up and turns around, putting one hand on his shoulder, the other on his precum covered hardness.

She leans down to mouth at his jaw, “Your turn Officer Grimes,” she murmurs, tightening her grip on the base of his cock. 

Rick groans and she moves her hand over the head, slathering precum over his length. 

Beth sucks that spot behind his ear again, “Want me to fuck you hard?” she asks imitating his earlier words. Rick closes his eyes and pulls the blonde closer to him. 

Her knees bracket his hips as she positions herself just above his weeping cock, the head just nudging her opening. 

“I can’t hear you.” She says, her voice is low and sultry and so _adult_ she surprises herself. Beth moves the hand she had resting on his shoulder and presses down on Rick’s pulse point. 

She looks into his impossibly dark eyes then, and he looks back into hers and she understands. She understands that this is more than just sex, that for the first time in a long time she is feeling something and she knows he feels it too. 

She sinks down onto his dick.

“ _Fuck_!” Rick’s voice catches in his throat, he could come, he could honestly come right now but he holds in. 

Beth’s head is thrown back, mouth hanging open. Her clit is still so sensitive from earlier and her body is flooded with this feeling of _fullness_. 

Rick’s hands grab her hips and he slowly lifts her up until only the head is still inside her, then he lets gravity pull her back down again.

They moan simultaneously and he does it again, and again, until they form a steady rhythm.

“Oh _god_ Rick!”

“You’re so tight.”

Sweat is beginning to coat their bodies and their breaths are coming out in pants due to the exertion and arousal coursing throughout them. 

Rick can hear the rise in pitch of Beth’s moans like a heavenly crescendo, knowing she’s going to come again soon while he pounds into her. 

She arches her back and the feeling is so good that Rick’s eyes roll into the back of his head, a string of profanities flowing out of his mouth. 

He leans down putting a mouth over her nipple and sucking while his hand returns to her clit, circling furiously. 

In a flurry of movement and a piercing cry, Beth spasms around his cock, her whole body shaking with the force of her orgasm. 

With a few more sharp thrusts Rick follows, spilling into her with a loud grunt. 

Time seems to slow as Beth wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder. Their pants echo through the room and she knows she’ll never, _ever_ forget any part of this glorious night.

 

“Are you okay?” Rick asks softly, once again tilting her head up to face upwards. Beth smiles.

“Never better Officer Grimes.”

The two start to untangle themselves and pick up discarded pieces of clothing. 

Beth feels, for the first time in a long time, completely content. She thinks this was what she needed all along, a connection to someone just as broken as her, and Rick, well he was as broken as they come. 

Once they have both put all of their clothes back on the blonde turns to Rick and kisses him squarely on the mouth.

“I don’t…” She starts, trying to find her words, “I don’t want you to feel bad about anything that happened tonight,” Rick stiffens but she places her hand over his heart, “you’re a good man and I know there’s a hole here,” she taps the left side of his chest a couple of times, “I want to help you, I want you to know you helped me. You’ll fill the hole one day Rick.”

Rick nods but the sides of his mouth are down-turned, Beth thinks she sees his eyes water slightly. 

She kisses him again, feeling him relax into it eventually. She wishes she knew what to say but she also knows he understands the meaning behind her kiss, because that’s just the kind of person he is.

She walks towards the doorway, mindful to step over the threshold this time, “Thanks for telling me where my sister is Officer Grimes!’

She walks down the stairs to the sound of Rick’s laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> yay for smut and suffering. reviews are love <3 (might make this multichapter)


End file.
